why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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