Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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