I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm bleeding and have questions
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
