she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He shit in the fireplace
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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