I think I won the penis lottery.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
