and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
