I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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