I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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