JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
