Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
