I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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