he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
