Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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