I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
...so i touched it.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
