i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
