Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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