So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
