There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
