hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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