the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
