is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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