I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
