We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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