I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
