My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize