I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
