You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize