Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
