we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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