she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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