I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
