I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
