Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
