Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
