Pappa wants mamma naked
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
