so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
