totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
