This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize