It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
