it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He passed out mid-signature
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
