I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my poor anus
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
