She's JV to your varsity
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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