my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
