Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I did not marry a roomba.
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