turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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