just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
