I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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