I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
