Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
