We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
