saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
