Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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