just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
