Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
