Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
