rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
