you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
