What a fucking waste of an outfit
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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