Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
