Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
