i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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