I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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