come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
