So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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