You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
