it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize