But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
