when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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