when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize