she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
