we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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