And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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