I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
