a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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