Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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