forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently you make a good broom.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
