How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
