Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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