they need to just BURY HIM!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
